pop judgment

Finally like 15 minutes in Charlize Theron shows up. It might not have been that long, but god it felt like it. She was without question the best part of this movie, but unfortunately wasn’t in nearly as much of it as we hoped.

Okay, so there were some seriously questionable moments in this movie. Let’s discuss.

1.) Charlize Theron bathing in milk and the peasants drinking, like the excess milk coming out of the fountain? It was seriously weird and we really did not understand what was happening.

2.) Those dwarves. If you recall, we were extremely excited that, unlike Mirror Mirror, this movie did not feature dwarves in the previews. THERE WAS A REASON. The dwarves were probably the most questionable part of the movie, in that they didn’t have that concrete of a purpose and they kept like singing and playing fiddles and stuff. It was strange and made us uncomfortable.
Also, one of them straight up had a stick that went through his ear. We are not making this up.

3.) The Huntsman. Chris Hemsworth did fine in this role, don’t get me wrong. But there was so little backstory on him that it was actually absurd. Like, his character literally did not have a name. He is credited as “The Huntsman.” WHAT? Chris Hemsworth deserved a real name. Especially since it was implied that he and Snow White got married later down the line at the end…

4.) William. MILD SPOILERS HERE. William, Snow White’s childhood love, decides that teaming up with the bad guys is the best way to find her. What? That doesn’t make any sense. Those are the people that she’s trying to avoid. William, come on. Also we could have done without him entirely. There was a Hemsworth in this movie, therefore no other hot men were necessary.

5.) The like 60-pronged stag. What is up with that? It is seriously one of the oddest things that you encounter in this film, and there are some strange things. It also appears that they just taped a whole lot of horns on a horse. Questionable decision, guys.

Overall, though, the special effects were GREAT. It was just that… you know, maybe they could have spent a little more on, like, the script. Because it suffered. K-Stew was fine as Snow White–not great but fine–and Charlize Theron was magnificently creepy. However, there is only so much you can do when the script is simply lacking. It was like the director was so preoccupied with having some sweet looking fairies that he forgot to actually write them into the script, and then later came up with a bizarre reason to put them in. A lot of things just seemed unnecessary, and the script needed a little more work. In closing, we recommend that you see it just for the special effects in theaters… but otherwise consider just sitting this one out.