pop judgment

Set in the not-too-distant future of 2094, where everyone has bad haircuts and even more terrible judgment, Prometheus follows the story of two archaeologists and a crazy rich guy looking for alien life. This search for alien life involves a trillion dollar expedition out to space and lots of CGI. And in the end it turns out that (SPOILER ALERT) all of the aliens want to kill us. Who is surprised???!!!! Oh, wait, nobody. Except the entire cast of Prometheus.

So this movie, while full of some really, really cool CGI moments was kind of like watching the opening scene of a horror film over and over again for two hours. You know the part where in a horror movie where the stupid character gets killed in the first 5 seconds? And the whole time you are like, “WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB?!! RUN!!!!!!” That was basically this movie. All of the characters (even the robot) displayed exceptionally poor judgment and for the entire movie we just wanted them to GTFO of this planet and return to Earth. But they didn’t. To illustrate this point we compiled a list of their bad judgment calls. We had to limit this list to five because believe us, there were a lot of them.

Only Five of the Many Poor Choices in Prometheus:

1.) Calling your ship Prometheus. Didn’t any of the characters read the end of that myth? After stealing fire from the gods so that man could have civilization Prometheus was then tortured for all of eternity. The kind of torture where you are bound to a rock and an eagle eats your liver every day for the rest of time. Does that mean this trip will end badly for this ship? Nobody knows….

2.) Dr. Shaw (Noomi Rapace) dating Dr. Holloway (Logan Marshall Green). We were uncomfortable watching them together because he was so unlikable. Dr. Holloway was a prick and absolutely insane. Even the robot who supposedly had no feelings didn’t like him. Noomi Rapace your characters can do so much better!

3.) Walking straight into a weird alien structure on another planet with no weapons. The only members of the cast with a healthy sense of self preservation tried to bring some guns to protect themselves against potentially dangerous alien life forms. However, Noomi Rapace, being the naive, optimistic scientist told them not to take them because it was a ‘scientific expedition.’ What she forgot was the fact that it was a ‘scientific expedition’ on an alien planet where the aliens just happened to want to kill everyone.

4.) Piggybacking off of number 3, once you walk into a weird alien structure on another planet with no weapons the next logical thing to do is to take off your space helmet. Oh wait, just kidding, that is SO RIDICULOUSLY STUPID.

5.) The haircuts in this movie. If you were going to meet your alien maker wouldn’t you want to look a little nicer than this? Like maybe not have a bowl cut ladies? Both Noomi Rapace and Kate Dickie were unfortunate enough to have some weird, unflattering haircuts that were supposed to look futuristic? We just don’t know. Poor judgment all around.

All in all, we had to suppress the urge to yell at these characters throughout the entire movie. We were able to while we were inside the theater, but trust us, it was hard.