Katy Perry releases crazy music videos. This is undeniable. We’re talking about a girl who has had both icing and fireworks shooting out of her boobs in previous videos. For her first post-Russell Brand breakup video release, though, Katy is going in a very different direction… and joining the Marines. No, we’re not kidding.
First of all, there’s a weird 40-second set up before the music actually starts, which relies entirely on Katy Perry’s acting skills (questionable in the best of times) to convince us that she’s heartbroken because her boyfriend kissed another girl at work while she was in her car spying on him in the parking lot. What? So she’s clearly already a little mentally unstable. Once she throws a locket or something at him, the music finally starts and we get into gear.
Katy decides to stop at a gas station for a drink after (breakups make you thirsty? We don’t know), where she sees an ad for the Marines on a bulletin board in the gas station. Actually, it’s not even an ad–basically someone pinned up a bumper sticker saying, “All women are created equal, then some become Marines.” This bumper sticker somehow convinces Katy Perry that the only way she will get over her breakup is by joining the Marines… and the video starts getting even weirder.
In order to join the Marines, Katy goes into a gas station bathroom and cuts off all of her hair, binds down her breasts, and changes out of her cute outfit into a hoodie and pants. This is seriously the most inexplicable part. First of all, they don’t force female Marines to cut their hair, and we’re pretty sure she could have just worn a sports bra instead of binding–which is super painful! Anyway, once she has physically transformed herself Katy is magically, instantly a Marine-in-training.
This is when we start to become kind of uncomfortable with the video. There are tons of shots of different kinds of Marine training, while Katy continues to sing, “This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me.” So… the Marines is the part you’ll never take away? “You’re not gonna break my soul!” Katy keeps telling us, and we are confused as to whether she means the guy she broke up with or the Marines. Basically at this point we have stopped watching a Katy Perry video and are straight-up watching an ad for the Marines.
Best part: Katy sings (you don’t see her actually singing for most of the video, but here she is) “look at me I’m sparkling” while in Marine fatigues and carrying a gun. We laughed out loud. Her sparkling must have been figurative.
Then Katy stops being a regular Marine and gets to twirl around under a GIANT American flag that all of the other Marines are holding up for her. Girl. Marines are not twirlers. Get it together.
Overall this video was way less fun than we expect from a Katy Perry video. If the Marines didn’t pay her to do this advertisement for them, they completely should have. We just want fun Katy back!